I Want Control!
Even though I know and embrace the fact that God is the author of all things and holds all things together, I still wanna be in control. A major part of our sin nature, if not the engine itself, is that exact desire, essentially, to be God.
This deep yearning for control causes our hearts to either rage and fight against it in a myriad of ways or humbly embrace that we're just particles floating in the ocean. Neither is comfortable, but either way, if we neglect to recognize who IS in control, we're ultimately left empty.
I'm still growing in this, even after experiencing deep ministry hurt over and over and having my daughter's life hung in the balance. You'd think I would've arrived by now with all that going on, but I tend to resonate with the kind of believer that Apostles James and John describe - ones who aren't complete or fully formed.
I believe they're referencing the Christian who doesn't just know what the Word says, but actually DOES it too instead of continuing on with an incongruency between their actions and professed faith. For me, I still tend to be afraid and want to control things so that the deep pain from the past won't happen again. Somehow, I've convinced myself that my worrying will ensure that when Nora gets a fever that it will help keep her out of the hospital - as if I can control any of that!
Many key themes of the Bible point to the truth that we aren't in control, which I know and believe, but is a really tough one to actually put into practice. As we learn from Proverbs and Ecclesiastes (two books we should stop avoiding), wisdom is ONLY found in fearing God. Fearing God includes trusting Him actually obeying His commands - and one of those is that He commands us to not be afraid.
Ultimately, true joy and peace only come from actively living life for Christ. Not material wealth, not success, not legacy, not fame, not comfort, not power, not hypocrisy with one foot in the Word and one in the world, and certainly not control. All of those may be things we really really want, and even some knock-off Christian movements offer all those things, but there is no TRUE satisfaction in living for ourselves.
Human strife and effort produce only emptiness, and as Ecclesiastes calls it, "vanity." Ultimately, we could lose everything, and if we only have Christ, we truly have everything. He can be trusted. His Word is true. No matter what anybody says, believing in Him and obeying Him indeed brings true peace, no matter what else happens.
"Only one life 'twill soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last." - Charles Stud
